The Top Ten Worst RPGs of the Sixth Generation

Or: Ten More Reasons the X-Box Doesn't Look So Bad Anymore

10. Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter

A gimmicky mess. Laying traps for monsters and having to restart the game four to five times just to see the end (even more for the sidequests) were lame in themselves, but add in an extremely slow and repetitive combat system, and it's easy to see why we haven't heard a peep out of this series since.

9. Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana

Why add in any new locales or dungeons when you can revisit the same screen of forest, the same tiny sewer, and the same corner of town seventeen times apiece before moving on? Add in some obnoxious dialog and the worst kind of use-the-opposite-element gameplay and you've got a classic example of dreck. If the graphics were badly drawn pixel art I'd swear it was just an RPG Maker game packaged and sold for fifty bucks.

8. .hack//CLICHEWORDS

Wow, just, wow. Not only does the plot suck turds, but Bandai invented a new low in marketing schemes: they split it up into four seperate discs and sold each one seperately for full price. Don't try to tell me that they couldn't just fit it all on one disc; they already have. Pop part 3 in (it seems to be the most common for some reason) and go to the movies folder; they have EVERY CINEMA from the two previous games on there. This series is a sham, fuck .hack.

7. Radiata Stories

Tri-Ace, makers of garbage such as Star Ocean, Star Ocean 2 and especially Star Ocean 3, attempts to cash in on the Suikoden franchise. Too bad that doesn't work when the great turn-based, combo-oriented combat system is replaced with brainless buttonmashing and the characters are ripped straight from a Nick Jr. cartoon; they're so annoying that I tried my damndest to avoid recruiting them at all. Not to mention it's been, what, ten years since Tri-Ace was founded and they still can't write a decent story or believable dialog?

6. Final Fantasy X

I could go on for hours about its sloppy writing, annoying characters and god-awful sidequests, but, well, I already have elsewhere on my website, The Thing, my Comparative study with Grandia II, and a long and heated discussion with my pal Greg, who continues to defend the title for reasons I simply can't comprehend. I don't care to repeat myself here, so go ahead and check those out if you want my unabated opinion.

5. Unlimited SaGa

You probably haven't played this one, and you know what? You shouldn't. In fact, if you have the chance to never play this game in your life, take it. Unless you really, really like having towns replaced by menus, dungeons replaced by the worst board game you've ever played, and every single action in or out of battle determined by slot machine rolls with all but one slot on the reel resulting in failure. Oh yeah, and nobody in the game has more than three frames of animation either, just to further accent the taste of baked shit.

4. Star Ocean: Till the End of Time

"SUCH A DEEP, AMAZING COMBAT SYSTEM!" is all I ever hear in defense of this crapfest. Too bad it isn't; having to press Triangle once in a while in between mashing the Square button does not constitute depth. Or amazement, for that matter. The dialog, as with all Tri-Ace games, is stiffer than Pinocchio's dick, and the "amazing" plot twist is just another take on the tired anti-Christianity cliche that every hack loves to milk a quick buck out of. "Ooo, look, our villains are angels and some guy named Lucifer who has angel wings, we're so EDGY! Give us money!" Oh yeah, and that wonderful story element about the origin of the universe? Next time, put your Philosophy degrees toward getting janitorial jobs at Denny's, it's a lot less embarrasing for everybody.

3. Final Fantasy X-2

Ugh, God.

2. Tales of the Abyss

Just when I think this series can't possibly get any worse, Namco outdoes themselves yet again. The lead character's such an obnoxious, whiny piece of shit I actually found myself missing Tidus. The combat system continues to strip out any form of strategy or challenge and just rewards tapping the Attack button constantly. Bt most of all, the plot's a badly written piece of trash that sells solely on its DARK subject material, including cloning (always a truly sloppy plot device) and yet fucking again, a church run by a corrupt group of badly-dressed dipshits. I cringe to think what the next game's story will include. Actually, scratch that, I'm not giving them the satisfaction. I'm not even going to read the back of the box that their next pile of smegma comes in. Stick a fork in this franchise because I'm done with it.

1. Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga

Here it is. Not only is it the biggest disgrace to console role-playing in the sixth-generation, I dare say it's the worst, most god-awful role-playing game ever created. Yes, seriously. I'd rather play any of the above all the way through than spend another ten minutes in the same room as this mountain of shit. Well, okay, not Tales of the Abyss.

As with Final Fantasy X, I could go on and on about how much of a disgrace to gaming this is, but I've already invested more than six hours writing and revising a comprehensive review of all of the ways Atlus fucked up. Read all about it here.