Cliffhanger






Oh lord, this one hurts.  Cliffhanger, based on the movie of the same name (and we all know what that means) was released in late 1993, a period when interest in the NES was long gone due to the battle of the 16-bit machines.  Pair that with the fact that a Cliffhanger game was already out on the Super Nintendo platform, and you have a team stuck working on a game that they know won't sell.  The result?  They didn't even try to make it presentable.







After a vague plot scene about terrorists trying to steal money from a plane, getting shot down, miraculously surviving unharmed and then radioing in an SOS in an attempt to kidnap your partner and get you to pay the ransom by collecting their dropped money (I swear I am not making this up), you get dropped into this screen.  Now, it may not look that terrible from the screenshot, but that's because you can't hear the music.  It's one thing to write good, quality music, but writing bad music?  Well, that must have been what the game's entire budget went into, because believe you me, they hired the best of the best in bad composition.

  Don't believe me?  Listen for yourself.

Click Here to Listen (79 kb MP3 file)

Now imagine that on an endless loop accompanying six long, tedious stages full of drudgerous platform hopping.  Pretty horrible, isn't it?




One of your most dangerous obstacles... a campfire.  I'm just kidding, it doesn't hurt any worse than the snow that falls on you every few steps







Ah, your first greatest obstacle, the giant spike pit.  Apparently you're supposed to grab that rope and shimmy across, but forget about ever doing so.  Your character is too stupid to grab onto the rope, much less hold onto it for any length of time.  There are a pair of gray boots nearby that allow you to make a running jump over the pit from above.  But for the sake of your sanity, just pretend you didn't read that last sentence and give up here if you somehow end up playing this game.




There's just more hell on the other side







Here we see your protagonist freezing to death.  No, that's not a euphemism for the "standing still too long" animation seen in many games - you literally start to lose health and die if you stay in one place for a minute or so.

Oh, by the way, there are also four boss fights, but they all consist of the same strategy - get close and mash the Punch button until they die.

Rating: 0/10
One-line synopsis:  Games don't come worse than this.

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